Friday, May 3, 2013

Argument with my Best Friend

I was talking to my best friend today and we had a disagreement. The tension got high as she was expressing herself.  I felt like she was attacking me. I could feel my ego get stirred. I know it’s my ego when I feel that anxious, nervous, angry feeling. I told her, I told her that I heard what she was saying. I knew I needed to say nothing, because all that was going to come out of my mouth was something insane-something from the past that my ego remembered.  She said she felt she didn’t want to share with me anymore because she felt like I didn’t care. I said, “okay we can stop talking, we can talk another time, or we can work through this right now on the phone.” I was able to say this because I chose to look at this ego energy that was inside me like a child, I chose to not knowing anything and be neutral, I looked with wonder and mystery. I didn’t attach my ego to what she was saying with her ego. I just wanted to hear how she felt and talk through that.  I told her from my heart that I was not defending myself, and that my heart heard that she feels like I don’t care. I told her that I loved her very much, and that is my hearts truth. I also said that I knew that she has felt these feeling of others she loves not caring about her, and that I was just bringing it up for her. I wasn’t saying this to avoid taking personal responsibility. I wanted to learn more about what she is feeling about me so I could, if needed, make some changes myself. What I know about the ego is that it can only bring things up from the past, and those things come up for us to look at over and over again until we are ready to heal them.  I also took this opportunity to get my golden egg of freedom and re-feel my ego feelings of feeling attacked by her. This is a very familiar feeling to me. I’m so glad to have it come up for me to heal. I allowed the old ego feeling to come into my heart. I embraced them. I felt what it feels like when I attack someone. I didn’t like it! I didn’t like the feeling. I chose right there to forgive myself for having attacked others. Then I forgave her. At that moment I had transmuted the energy and all I felt was peace, joy, and happiness!